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| Niklas |
I wasn’t sure what devastated me more about Niklas telling me the news. That he was becoming a father and his relationship was so serious, or that he was with a woman. But the combination of those two things really got me to see where he was at when it came to me. And that was devastating regardless.
Looking back, I was so naïve and inexperienced in love that I had failed to see any of the signs. Of course the woman who went hiking with him in the mountains, who was with him in so many Facebook photos, wasn’t just his friend. And some mutual masturbation while high doesn’t mean anything in regards to one’s sexual orientation, let alone one’s romantic feelings, especially while at college. These were many lessons to learn at once and tough ones at that.
Because Niklas was so close to Alex, he came over to the apartment a week later with his girlfriend, Elin. Håkan made a beautiful three course meal for the five of us. But it was difficult to sit at that table, realizing I was a fifth wheel. Realizing that Elin was sweet, smart and funny. Realizing that Niklas was so caring towards her.
Life went on and focusing on other areas of life was the only way I knew how to cope. I spent my hours in the lab on campus, and it helped that Alex and Håkan were great hosts. Alex did drop me off and bring me home regularly, although his schedule was far from as consistent as mine. He often had morning meetings elsewhere in the city and he would work late several times a week. Every Wednesday he would leave early to go to therapy. I was taking the subway more than he was driving me, but I didn’t really mind.
Håkan, in turn, not only cooked for me whenever I wanted, but also did my laundry and cleaned my room. He motivated me to join him to the gym in the evenings, sometimes 4 times a week. He even wanted to take me on a night out with some of his friends so I could see a part of Stockholm’s gay nightlife. He wasn’t aware of the situation, but I could tell he knew I wasn’t as cheerful as on my first day.
After a few weeks I found my groove in Stockholm. I decided to put the whole Niklas thing behind me and focus on the work, on being abroad for the first time in an amazing city. I was hanging out with the friends I had made in the lab more and more, and they were a happy, cheerful bunch.
On Friday, I came out of work and joined Håkan to the gym. On the walk there, as usual when it was just the two of us, he asked me how my day had been and was just generally talkative. He asked me if I had ever gone to a sauna after a workout before.
“I’ve never been to a sauna period!”, I said.
“Really? Is Nordic thing, you should try. Weather is colder, it will be nice.”
I was realizing I was feeling more connected to my body now that I was regularly working out. It helped that I had Håkan as a gym buddy, not just because it helped me to actually go, but also because he could give me some pointers. I ended up feeling more confident, which was something I definitely needed.
After our workout, Håkan told me to have a short shower before going in the sauna. After we had both done that and we stood in the lockerroom both wearing a towel, he told me to come to the sauna area of the gym with him. I was excited, curious to what was about to happen.
Through the glass door I could tell the sauna was quite spacious. Only two other guys were there, sitting on top of their towels with nothing covering them.
“They’re not covered?”, I blurted out.
“You can keep your towel like this if you want”, Håkan said after a short pause, pointing to the way his towel was wrapped around him.
He kicked off his flip flops and opened the door. He went in and held the door open for me. The heat surprised me. I saw Håkan take off his towel and lay it out on the wooden bench. He then sat down, his legs spread wide. I decided to go for it and just copied him as I sat next to him. He looked me in the face and smiled.
“Now, try to relax”, he whispered.
I sat in the scorching heat and realized my body was relaxing and my breathing was slowing down. I felt at peace. But at the same time it was hard not to look around. Both of the other guys in the sauna were very muscly, hot and hung. Both, as well as Håkan, had their heads angled back or their eyes closed, giving me great opportunity to sneak in a quick look. All three had thick uncut cocks and I realized I was starting to get aroused. My large black cock started to get thicker as well, as it lifted off from my nutsack. None of the men seemed to notice or care. Even though nothing sexual happened, it was the hottest experience of my life in more ways than one.
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| Alex |
I had the Friday night to myself in the apartment. It was quite a nice feeling. I was feeling quite good about myself after going to the gym and having my first sauna experience. I decided to strip off again and wander around the apartment in the nude. It was quite a liberating feeling. I made myself a nice snack, had a few beers, and watched a movie. I remembered that Håkan had planned a night out with me and his friends the next day. I had never felt this confident and secure in my body, and I hoped I could meet someone. I was ready to further explore sexually, now that I had left the Niklas situation behind me.
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| Håkan |
Frozen in place, I immediately heard Alex and Håkan talk to each other in Swedish. My erection had gone down, but I was still very naked. I realized I had turned off almost all of the lights, and it looked like I had gone to bed. I decided to crouch down and keep quiet in the kitchen. I really didn’t want them to see I had been walking around naked, sitting on their couch. Even though I wasn’t sure what they would think, I knew I would feel embarrassed. I was feeling confident, but not this confident.
With only the two lamps on by the TV I could still easily make out Alex taking off his jacket and putting it on a chair. He loosened his tie. He pulled Håkan’s arm and kissed him, passionately. The two of them were so hot together. I watched intently as I felt my cock thicken again. They undressed each other slowly, taking their time with each button on their shirts. I could only see Alex’s expression, but both had very flirty body language as they spoke softly to each other in Swedish.
As the shirts came off, I recognized Håkan’s strong, muscular back. Alex’s body looked amazing as well, as the passionate kissing continued. Alex was clearly the one in control as he quickly undid Håkan’s trousers and pushed them to the floor. He pointed down and said something to his husband. Håkan sat down and started taking off his shoes as well as his pants. Alex took that time to take his own trousers and underwear off. The biggest dick I had ever seen came into view. An uncircumcised ten inch cock, flopped into my view, hard as a rock. I unconsciously licked my lips.
Alex unapologetically shoved his enormous member down Håkan’s throat, who was still sitting down. He used his hands to fuck Håkan’s face. Alex’s heavy breathing and Håkan’s moaning reached to me in the kitchen. Instinctively my hand went down to my crotch and I touched myself. I had forgotten I was naked for just a second and surprised myself. I slowly stroked my cock for a while as I watched the Swedish couple, while they were unaware of my presence.
After a while, Alex pulled Håkan up so he stood. In a swift move, he pulled down Håkan’s underwear. I saw Håkan’s muscle ass come into my view and I licked my lips again. Alex then turned him around and made Håkan kneel down with one knee on the sofa where I had just been sitting. Alex started eating out his husband. Håkan was now facing me and I saw his expression of ecstasy as he was getting rimmed by Alex. His moans got louder as time went on and my cock reached full erection.
Alex then appeared from behind Håkan and sat down one knee on the sofa behind him. He was about to fuck him. I could tell he took a butt cheek in each hand and then without touching it, slowly thrust his dick into his partner’s hole. I could tell by Håkan’s face when it was happening.
“Aahh!”, he let out.
Alex quickly increased his speed, causing Håkan’s moaning to reflect a mixture of pleasure and pain. If I had been sleeping, I had been awake now. Alex pushed Håkan’s head down on the armrest quite violently and kept it there, which caused the moaning to get much quieter. Alex’s body was now over his partner’s, which looked like such a hot position to me. His rhythm went faster and faster and Håkan was taking it like a champ. I saw Håkan’s cock flop back and forth, completely erect as he was being fucked. I had to stop touching myself as I knew I would cum if I continued.
Slowly, Håkan’s moaning got louder again, but Alex covered his mouth with his hand.
“Michael sover!”, Alex said, which I could guess the meaning of.
I now felt a little embarrassed that I was sitting here on the floor watching the two of them without them knowing, for about 5 minutes now. The longer I was here, the more embarrassing it would be if they did see me. So I kept quiet.
Alex’s fucking was getting more and more aggressive and Håkan continued to whimper through Alex’s hand. Alex started slapping the back of Håkan’s head, and I wondered if it was part of their usual routine. Håkan didn’t flinch and seemed used to it, though continued to let out some muffled cries. Alex seemed to get even more aggressive and let go of Håkan’s mouth, and instead wrapped his arm around Håkan’s neck, like a choke hold.
With wide eyes I watched as I could hear Håkan making choking sounds, but Alex wouldn’t let up. Alex reached around and held Håkan’s cock, as I could tell he was cumming. A few splashes of white hit the carpet. When I looked back at Håkan’s face, his eyes were rolling back into his head and his body went slack. He had passed out. Alex fucked his lifeless body and I could tell he orgasmed inside of him as he grunted a few times during some slowed down final thrusts. Only then he let go of the choke hold as Håkan’s face unceremoniously hit the armrest and then his whole body toppled over, off the sofa onto the floor.
Alex stood up and walked away, saying something in Swedish. He was walking in the direction of their bathroom, coming closer to me, but thankfully not spotting me. I heard the shower being turned on and when I could tell Alex had stepped inside by the different sound of the falling water, I knew I had to get out of there. I got up and walked past Håkan’s lifeless body, now face up. His mouth was open as his whole face was slack. His large cock was lying on his belly, spent. By his stomach I could tell he was breathing. I wanted to help him, but didn’t know how. I quietly walked to my bedroom before I could get caught.
That night, I didn’t sleep well. The sexual encounter I had been the voyeur of, had been something I had found hard to explain. I had never seen sex this aggressive. Is this what non-porn sex is like? Or is it just their kink? Maybe Alex and Håkan are just the perfect yin/yang of sexual dominance and submission. Or was something else going on? It was these thoughts that kept me from jacking off to the mostly hot sexual spectacle that I had witnessed.
When I woke up the next morning, I encountered Alex and Håkan both in their underwear, like most weekend mornings. Håkan made me breakfast and coffee like usual and there was nothing different. When I saw how Håkan was mostly quiet and Alex did most of the talking, I saw them in a different light, even though that was business as usual.
That night, Håkan and I got ready to go out to a gay club in the city center. I was actually quite excited and really tried to look my best. When I was done getting ready I saw how Håkan looked and realized it was going to be tough getting guys’ attention when I was with him. His biceps were pretty much bursting through his white shirt. The shirt went down far enough to display part of his muscular chest. His jeans fit tightly around his large thighs and ass.
Håkan and I went to the old town and met his friends John and Joakim at Secret Garden. John and Joakim were in their thirties, and an interesting couple. Joakim was tall and very muscular, his frame was practically bodybuilder-like. With his pale skin and his blond hair cropped close to his scalp, he looked quite different from his black boyfriend John, who was much shorter. His hair was quite short but curly, and his smile lit up the room. He clearly also worked out, but his body dwarfed in comparison to Joakim’s. Joakim was a nurse, John was a professional singer.
Secret Garden was an interesting sort of gay bar, with lots of rooms playing different music. There were rooms where groups of people were sitting down and chatting, in other rooms people were full-on dancing, sometimes to Swedish music I did not know. Håkan, John, Joakim and I started out just having a drink and talking. Håkan’s friends were great fun to hang out with. John especially asked me a lot of questions about the US and my stay here so far. Joakim and Håkan had a conversation in Swedish that I did not follow.
After a while we bought a second drink and went dancing. I looked around and there were lots of cute young guys dancing, but mostly with each other. I had never stepped up to someone before and didn’t know what I’d say. I decided to let alcohol have its effect on me first and hopefully I’d get a little braver. Thankfully I had gotten better about knowing when to stop drinking since when I first went out with Niklas in DC.
I was having lots of fun regardless. I noticed Håkan came up to me a lot, wanting to make sure I was enjoying myself. His face close to mine, so he could talk to me over the music, gave me a nice feeling. He smelled so good. The more he was drinking, the more he touched me, on the shoulder, on my back, my chest and even once my face. It was sometimes a little confusing and it made me pay less attention to any of the other guys in the club.
After a while, we wanted to sit back down and chat for a bit, as John and Håkan got us our fourth round of drinks. Joakim and I found a spot with a table. He sat next to me.
“Do you like Secret Garden?”
“It’s great! Definitely coming back here!”
“Cool”, he said, smiling. His expression quickly changed.
“Hey, I’m going to tell you something that’s quite serious”, he started, now looking serious. “Don’t freak out and it’s probably nothing, but I felt like it’s something you should know.”
“Oh, OK”, I said, chuckling nervously.
“Alex and Håkan have some history together, of course. They’ve been together for so long. And in the past Alex has been abusive towards Håkan. Though last year he has agreed to get help.”
“Ah, yes, he goes to therapy, I know that”, I said.
I looked at Joakim and I knew he could tell I was a bit shocked at what he was saying.
“Yeah, everything has been fine for quite a while now, that’s what Håkan tells me. So I think you are both perfectly safe living there. In fact, you being a guest is something Alex desperately wanted, to show Håkan that he had gotten better.”
I smiled at Joakim and couldn’t help but think back to the night before. To the little cut on the side of Håkan’s face that one time. Had there been anything else? I tried to dig through the last few weeks.
“So I’m sure everything’s all right, but Håkan has lied about this to me before to protect Alex. They love each other so much, but in Håkan’s case, it hasn’t always been in his best interest. If there’s anything you’re suspicious about going forward, please tell me. Because I want Håkan to be safe and I want you to be safe as well.”
I looked at him. I was contemplating saying something about the night before, but I didn’t.
“I really didn’t want to scare you”, Joakim said. “I just thought you deserved to know. Everything is good now though, so don’t worry about it too much”, he said, trying to make light of the situation.
I nodded and smiled. Then John and Håkan came to the table with drinks.
I tried to not think about what Joakim had told me, but I was distracted for the rest of the night. I didn’t walk up to any of the cute guys. When everyone got tired, Håkan and I took the subway back to central station, from which we had to walk back. Håkan promised it would only be 10 minutes. I hesitated shortly, but I knew I had to bring it up.
“Joakim told you about that?”
Håkan looked defeated and had stopped walking.
“I really didn’t want you to know about that”, he said, wrapping his arm around me. “You need to feel safe with us.”
“I do! I’m just afraid you’re not safe!”
“Why?”
“I’ve heard yelling, you had that cut on your face…”
“That? That was nothing.”
“Last night… I… I saw you.”
He looked at me, his face in shock.
“What are you talking about?”
“You and Alex. You were having sex.”
Håkan looked back down and started walking.
“So?”
“He choked you out at the end.”
“That’s… Well… I have orgasm. I like it.”
“Did you?”
“Yeah. Sure. I want you to not worry about it.”
“OK.”
“Alex is getting better. And is good. He is not always perfect but is getting better. I’m happy.”
“Good”, I said.
Håkan put his arm around me again as we walked the rest of the way back.
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| Håkan |
“Your penis is very beautiful”, Håkan blurted out as he grabbed it and pulled on it.
“I saw before in sauna, is very nice.”
He let it go again and we both looked at it as it bounced up and down.
“Yours is very nice as well”, I said.
He smiled at me.
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