Michael, Part 5

Håkan

Holding Håkan as close as I could, I looked around the hotel room. I felt his tears slowly dry up on my chest as his grip on my body slowly loosened and I felt him crying himself to sleep. His shoulders shook as he sobbed, but slowly his body relaxed and slight snores filled the room.

I felt a headache come on and I knew I wasn’t going to be getting any sleep. Too much had happened without the time to process. After accepting my current circumstances, I started thinking about what to do next. I could only think of one thing: call Joakim. I didn’t have his phone number, and I quickly realized Håkan must have left his phone at the apartment. But I was convinced I could figure out a way to contact him.

I tried to relax as I continued to hold Håkan’s, large muscular body close. It was weird to see someone with a strong body like that, naked, vulnerable, and curled up against me, a young man more than 20 years his junior. Though I felt sad for him, I had also never felt closer to him and I knew to hold him as tightly as I could as if it would protect him from anything and everything.

 After a few hours, Håkan woke up and looked at me.
“Hey…”, he whispered.
“Hey”, I replied, “are you OK?”
He looked away as if he just remembered what had happened. He touched his head where the Band-Aid was.
“Yeah…”
“Can I ask what happened?”
He looked back at me with an emotional expression. He nodded and slowly sat up so we sat next to each other with our backs against the head of the bed.

“I was sleepy. Alex take me to bed. But first he say I have shower. I say I have shower at gym that afternoon. He say, no. You have shower. Because whatever you do with Michael, I don’t want to smell in my bed.”
I gasped.
“He thought we had sex?”
“Yes. Is because we cuddle when we watched TV. Make him jealous. But is not sex, is intimacy. And he not know the difference.”

“So what happened next?”
“I very sleepy, I take off my underwear and have a shower. He watch me. I can tell he gets excited, he touch himself and seeing my body. But I still sleepy, want to go to bed. So I quickly wash myself and not look at him. But I know he taking off his clothes. And he also come in the shower and touch my body.”
“Were you scared?”
Håkan shrugged.
“When I know is happening, is not so scary. At that time, I know is happening.”
At this point I realize this has been going for years and Håkan must have been desensitized.

“So he stand in shower with me and touch my butt, play with my ass and I let it happen, not react. Put soap on my body and get clean. Alex have big penis and I feel it on my butt and poking me. I turn around, say I am clean and want to go to bed. He get angry and say no, make me turn around and push me to bend over. He use some soap on his penis and go inside me. It hurt but is also a little good. I don’t want, but I also want. Because my penis is also erection, you know?”
“That doesn’t have to mean you want it though.”
“He have very nice penis. Always make me happy, but last night I just want to cuddle and sleep.”
“See, so at that time you didn’t want him to have sex with you.”
“No. And I say no. I say he hurt me. Then he take my penis and say is telling different story. So he fuck me, very hard. Push my head down and I hurt my head on wall because he fuck me so hard. I go, bang, bang, bang each time. It hurt. I cry. But he not stop.”
I noticed Håkan was getting emotional now.
“I have orgasm. Because I always have orgasm with Alex. He continue. I don’t remember.”
He shrugged and wiped away a single tear from his right eye.
“I wake up on the floor in the shower. My head hurt. Shower is off. I see… sperm. On the wall. Mine. But also on other wall. Dripping down. I feel sperm on my back, in my ass. I see blood on the tiles. On the floor, on the wall. I get scared. I get up and quietly walk to you. You sleep. And you know the rest.”
“You passed out from the orgasm?”
“I think is bang against the tile wall.”
“Whichever, he just left you there.”
“Yes.”

I crossed my arms, feeling angry with Alex.
“So what do you want to do now?”, I ask him.
“I say we go back in the morning. I say I was scared. We talk, he say sorry.”
“Really? You want to go back and live there?”
He looked at me with his big brown eyes.
“I love him.”

There was no way I was going to let Håkan move back in. There were too many signals that Alex was far from better.
“Is OK. We sleep some more and we feel fine in the morning”, he said.
“First, I have shower.”
I realized I put him in my clothes after he had mentioned having cum all over his back and in his ass. He wasn’t going to wear those again.

Håkan

I got up to get a glass of water and just casually strolled into the bathroom, still in my underwear, as Håkan took a shower. When the glass was filling up I took a quick glance at his body, but I soon realized the similarities to what had happened to him earlier that night and walked back out.

I went back to bed and tried to sleep. I was feeling very tired after hearing his story. I heard the shower go off and after he had dried up, Håkan joined me in bed. Though this time there was no cuddling.

When I woke up, it must have been at least three hours later. It was light out. Håkan was no longer in bed with me. I saw him by the large window looking out. All he was wearing was my hoodie, which was too small on him. His bottom half was still naked and I admired his ass before speaking up.
“Hey”, I said, “you’re up.”
He turned around to face me, his flaccid, uncut dick swinging in front of him.
“Hey… good morning.”
I smiled.
“Sorry, I wear your sweater.”
“It’s OK.”

He walked towards me and sat on the bed, his almost naked body inches from me.
“Thank you for what you do. You take care of me when I scared. It mean very much to me.”
He leaned forward and gently, slowly kissed me on the cheek. It was so sensual, I got a hard-on immediately. I smiled at him again.
“Are you sure you’re no longer scared?”
“Maybe a little bit, but I know he sorry and he work hard to get better.”
I sighed. I still didn’t want Håkan to go back there. I myself didn’t want to go back there.
“You don’t want to talk to Joakim?”
He looked at me with an expression of surprise.
“No. Why I talk to Joakim?”
“He’s very worried about you. And so am I.”
“But I’m OK. I just want to go home to my husband and talk. Will be fine.”
“All right”, I said.

My hard-on had died down so I sat up on the edge of the bed, next to him.
“What do you say if I go out, buy you some pants to wear that will actually fit you, and also bring back some breakfast?”
His smile was wide and he grabbed my knee.
“You very sweet.”
I couldn’t look at him.

I quickly jumped into some clothes, took my phone, a wallet and a key card.
“I’ll be right back”, I said.
Half-naked Håkan walked toward me and gave me a big hug.
“Thanks.”

I walked out the room towards the elevator and I could feel myself starting to cry. I knew I was doing the right thing. When I walked past the lobby, I noticed there was an Espresso House inside of the hotel. I could get coffees, juice and some breakfast there, knowing it was Håkan’s favorite. It must be the Swedish version of Starbucks.

I left the hotel and the cold early morning wind surprised me. I knew department store Åhléns was very close to here, it only took me about 5 minutes to get there. I looked for some jeans that looked quite large, and I picked up some underwear for him as well.

Håkan

Before I went to the cash register I sat down on a little bench they had by the fitting rooms. I took out my phone. Four missed calls from Alex. My hands were shaking. I tapped on Instagram. There are loads of Joakims. I went to Håkan Andersson. I momentarily got distracted by the gym selfies and shirtless photos. I scrolled down and saw a photo. Håkan, Joakim and John. They were at a lake, all shirtless. Joakim Lindblom and John Dahlquist were tagged. I went to Joakim’s profile. His profile was also full of thirst traps. I sent him a DM.

Hi Joakim, I’m Michael Hammond. I’m staying with Alex and Håkan, we met at Secret Garden. Last night, Håkan got so scared he asked me to get him out of the house. From what it sounds, Alex had sex with Håkan against his well and knocked him unconscious. We are staying at the Sheraton Hotel for now, but Håkan wants to go back later this morning. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

Joakim

I paid for the jeans and the underwear and walked back to the hotel, scrolling through bot Joakim’s and John’s Instagram feeds. I remembered my thought when I first landed here in Stockholm. Scandinavian men were my jam.

At the Espresso House in the Sheraton lobby I ordered some muffins, some juice and some coffees for myself and Håkan. I waited for everything to be ready and checked my phone again. A DM from Joakim.

I’ll be right there. What room number?

I was starting to feel awful. Was I wrong to go behind Håkan’s back? I told Joakim the room number and tapped ‘Send’. That’s when my order was ready.

John

I went up to our room and found Håkan on the bed, excited to see me back. He sat on the bed, naked and on all fours like a dog waiting for its owner to return.
“Yay, food!”, he exclaimed.
I smiled.

I wasn’t the best liar, but I was able to get through breakfast. We ate together and he seemed so happy and smiley, like he usually is when Alex isn’t around. I became more convinced that I was doing the right thing.

I showed Håkan the shopping bag that contained the underwear and jeans. He tried on the underwear and showed me how the black trunks looked on him. Then he tried on the jeans, which still managed to look tight on his large ass and thighs. He was very happy with them and kissed me on the mouth to thank me.
“I give you money back, yes?”
I shrugged.
“Sure.”

Håkan

There was a knock at the door. Håkan immediately panicked.
“Is Alex?”, he whispered, his eyes wide.
I shook my head. I couldn’t look at him.
“It’s Joakim”, I said, turning and walking to the door.
I looked back at Håkan and could see he was crying. I opened the door and Håkan ran into Joakim’s arms, immediately sobbing.

In tears, Håkan walked back to me and also hugged me.
“Is OK”, he said, “is OK.”
I cried with him.

Håkan went off to stay with Joakim and John. I didn’t see any of them for a while. I stayed in the Sheraton a little longer before they found me a spot on campus, which turned out to be a basic studio apartment, which was more than fine. Not long after I had moved into my new place, Niklas came to my lab and gave me my suitcase that I had left at Alex and Håkan’s place. He had a worried look on his face.
“Are you OK?”
“I’m fine. It was a little shocking at times, but I’m good.”
“Oh good, I’m so relieved. I’m so sorry I put you through that.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“I didn’t! I honestly didn’t!”

Håkan

I hadn’t expected it after the way things had turned out, but Niklas and I became friends. We had weekly lunches together. He told me that Alex was put on leave and was now staying at a clinic fulltime to get more help. A few weeks later Niklas told me that Alex had agreed to sign the divorce papers. It was sad to hear about, but I think ultimately it was for the best.

I was really getting into doing the research at Karolinska. I had met so many cool friends and for once, I managed to appropriately combine a social life with my academia. I took my lab friends to Secret Garden and they loved it. I continued going to Puls & Träning, and was able to switch to a location closer to my new apartment. Time passed and fall turned into winter. I celebrated Christmas with lab friends one night and with Niklas and Elin another. I called my Mom and she was sad to miss me but she said she could tell I was having the time of my life.

Winter in Stockholm was amazing. There was snow almost up to my ankles and public transport still wouldn’t be more than a minute late. Once the snow melted away, it was March. It was a rainy Sunday and I was relaxing in a tanktop and sweats after having gone drinking the night before. There was a knock on the door, which surprised me as I wasn’t expecting anyone. When I opened it, I was surprised again.

It was Håkan. He smiled at me awkwardly. I could feel myself tearing up and gave him a big hug. I could feel his wet hair against my face.
“I’m so so sorry”, he said in my ear.
“I’m sorry too.”

I gave him something to drink and we talked everything through. He was so thankful to me for doing what I did. He said he had gotten back to work, after Alex had insisted he hadn’t for years. He now had his own apartment after living with Joakim and John for a few months. Although he had felt sad for quite a while, he had started to see that this was really the only way out of what was a toxic relationship.

I told Håkan about feeling so guilty at first because I’d lied to him. But that I was certain it was the right thing to do, even at the time. Håkan said that he had never felt angry towards me, which was a relief.

Håkan told me about visiting Alex in the clinic and that it broke his heart every time. Though it had become clear to both of them that the only way Alex was going to get better was when they were apart.

I then told him about how I got this apartment and how my time in Stockholm had been. He smiled as he attentively listened. When I finished speaking, there was a short silence.
“I want to say another thing”, Håkan then said.
“I was so happy you came to live with us. You are so nice and sexy and smart. When you live with me, I want to be with you all the time. I think you were going to be my best friend. I think I really like you.”
I smiled.
“I really like you too”, I said.
“So I’m so so sorry for not saying hi before. I was ashame and I feel guilty. But I really just want to go to gym together again and watch Netflix and… and… do cuddles.”
I was smiling even more.
“And… sauna. And more than cuddles, maybe?”
I laughed.

It was a confusing time. Part of me wanted to take it slow with Håkan, seeing as he was just getting divorced and getting out of a long, intense relationship. But I knew I was going back to the US in the summer. So there wasn’t much time.

I decided we had to start dating first, but we ended up having sex after the first date. He was dropping me off at my apartment, but at the door neither of us could hold back any longer and we started making out. I fumbled with the keys and opened the door as we entered my apartment still making out. We took our clothes off as we made our way to my bed, leaving a trail of shoes, socks, sweaters and jeans.

When I saw his large erection, I knew I wanted to suck on it. The beautiful pink head popped out of his foreskin and I could lick it and suck on it for hours. His deep moaning was music to my ears. He played with my dick as I sucked him off and I got real hard real fast. Håkan stopped me and said, “My turn”.

For the first time I got a blowjob and I knew it couldn’t last very long because I was ready to cum within seconds. Håkan was transfixed on my cock and even when I told him to stop blowing me, he would continue to pull on it and play with it. Then he looked me right in the eye.
“Please fuck me.”

Michael, Håkan

Fucking Håkan was the weirdest sensation. My cock is pretty thick once it’s hard and it took a while for Håkan to adjust. At first it was a little painful to feel the pressure on the sides of my penis, but then it felt wonderful. Håkan’s moans were so high-pitched in surprise, but I could tell he loved it. I slowly but surely got into a groove and fucked him. It was the most wonderful feeling I had ever experienced.

“Faster please!” were the only words I could make out from Håkan’s moaning, so I tried to go faster and faster. After that, it didn’t take long.
“I’m… You’re… I have orgasm… Aaaaahhhhh!”
Håkan came all over his own stomach without touching himself. Watching this, I immediately came inside of him.

For the rest of my stay, Håkan and I continued to go to the gym and watch Netflix together and we had sex. Lots of sex. We hung out with Joakim and John often and even went back to Secret Garden a few times.

In April Elin gave birth to a beautiful son, Benjamin. We were able to meet the baby and congratulate Niklas and Elin, though we had to visit a day after Alex, to avoid him seeing Håkan.

In June Håkan and I were invited to go to John and Joakim’s lakehouse where that Instagram photo was taken. It was an amazing weekend. But it was getting closer and closer to the end of my trip.

At Arlanda airport, where he and Alex had welcomed me to the city almost a year ago, Håkan cried in my arms. I also cried. We had gotten so close, I really didn’t want to leave him behind. But I had comfort knowing that he was coming to visit me in only a few weeks.

Niklas gave me a hug and said Håkan reminded him of me in DC a few years ago. I looked at him in awe. He winked. Had he known about my crush on him all along? Looking back, my connection with Håkan was so much deeper than anything I ever had with Niklas. I had grown and matured so much, it was strange to look back at that guy and be certain it was me and not even that long ago.

Either way, I was determined for Håkan to not be disappointed when he would come to visit me.


THE END