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| Cesar |
It was only once I got home, wanting to text Cesar, that I realized. He had gone home to Mexico, where his girlfriend Jessica would be meeting him at the airport. What did our night together mean for their relationship? Cesar was the one who suggested doing this again the next time we saw each other.
At first, I decided to hold off on texting. But then Cesar took initiative.
“Hey man, hope you got back OK.”
I was so happy to get a text from him. I felt my smile reach its widest potential, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I had to acknowledge I had feelings for him.
“Yeah, I got home a few hours ago. Thanks for the other night, I really enjoyed it.”
“That was so hot! I had a great time too.”
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| Cesar, Jess |
I was overthinking the next message a lot. I typed out a few versions.
“I hope you’re not in trouble with Jess?” No. Because, secretly, I did hope there would be trouble with Jess. Delete.
“What does this mean for you and Jess?” More open, but also a bit pushy? Delete.
“Are you going to tell Jess about it?” I hesitated, and realized I had been thinking about this for too long. Send.
I saw the bubbles appear. Cesar was typing. I couldn’t look at them. I put my phone down and got a drink from the fridge. I took a sip. I looked out the window over the Utrecht skyline. I sighed. I walked back to the sofa and took my phone off the coffee table. Two messages from Cesar. I opened them.
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| Cesar, Jess |
“Already did. She didn’t love it at first, but she got it. She knows I have needs when I’m away from her for 10 days. And she knows we have gotten close, so she wasn’t too surprised.”
Second text.
“After a while she started asking me questions about it and she kinda thought it was hot. She was glad I had my hole licked finally, so I could stop asking her about it.”
Laughing emoji.
“We have the OK to do stuff like this again, if you’re up for it.”
Jess was more open-minded than I had expected. Then again, she was showing off her man on social media. Maybe she was counting on someone to wanting to have a go. Possibly she was surprised it was another man, but if Cesar really was straight I was less of a threat to their relationship.
And yet, what I had experienced with Cesar in Columbus… It was more than just getting each other off. There was an intimacy, a passion. I just couldn’t imagine that being there if I’d done that with a fully straight man. Or had I just imagined it?
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| Cesar |
I realized that continuing to hook up with Cesar could hurt me. I needed time to think about it.
“We’ll have to wait and see”, I replied.
It was a few weeks until the next matches for the national team. Match 7 was in Cincinnati, against Mexico. The top 2 facing each other. With Mexico 1 point ahead, the US could take over by beating them. For Match 8 we would be facing Jamaica in Kingston. This time we only did two matches before flying back home.
I knew Cesar was planning to bring Jess to the match against Mexico. Considering they both had Mexican heritage, it was an exciting match. And considering the trip was shorter this time, I figured there would be less of a chance of us hooking up anyway.
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| Cesar |
Only in the days leading up to us seeing each other again, Cesar got a little more quiet. No FaceTime, no calls, very short texts. I didn’t really think much of it.
We saw each other again in the hotel room of the Marriott in Cincinnati. His hug was tighter and longer than usual.
“You OK?”, I asked as I felt his head rest on my shoulder.
“Yeah. Yeah. Fine.”
He said it in a way that made me think he was not fine.
We went to training and Cesar was quieter than usual. My passes didn’t reach him. He tripped over his own feet. Something was up. When we were showering off, I asked him again.
“Dude. You sure you’re OK?”
He looked at me. Water was pouring down his face, but still. I could tell. There was a sadness in his expression.
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| Cesar |
“We’ll talk about it back in the hotel”, I said.
“Thanks, man”, he replied, his voice breaking.
In the bus back to the hotel, Cesar took my hand and squeezed it. He looked out the window, even when I was sure he knew I was looking at him.
Back in the hotel room, Cesar took my hand again and we sat on the bed.
“OK”, he started. “This is really embarrassing, but…”
He took a deep breath.
“Please don’t tell the other guys. But I know you won’t judge me.”
“Jess isn’t coming to the match.”
“OK.”
“I… I found out she was selling pictures.”
I frowned.
“Pictures of what?”
“Of me.”
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| Cesar |
“Like, she regularly posted videos of me on her Instagram, sort of showing my ass.”
I had to pretend I hadn’t watched every single one of those videos. I nodded.
“Like, she was even buying clothes for me, jeans, shorts, swimwear. And I… I didn’t see it. She was taking photos of me in all of them. Sometimes posting them on Insta. I… I felt flattered. I really thought she liked my body.”
He sighed.
“She also took photos of me nude. And video. Sometimes I knew she was doing it. Sometimes I was in the shower. Or asleep.”
I squeezed his hand now that I realized where this was going.
“She sold those photos. And those videos. Over Instagram. I… I didn’t know.”
“That’s shitty, man.”
Cesar quietly stared ahead. He wasn’t crying.
“When did you find out?”
“Like, Sunday. I didn’t handle it well, I think.”
“What did you do?”
“I took her phone. And threw it over the balcony.”
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| Cesar |
“I feel like that’s a pretty fair reaction. To stop her from sending people more.”
He smiled, then shrugged.
“It’s all in the cloud anyway. I just feel like she was just with me for some fame and money. And that hurts.”
I threw an arm around Cesar and held him close. His head ended up resting against my chest. I let my head fall on top of his. I could fully imagine why he wasn’t playing like usual. I wondered if I should suggest he didn’t play this all-important match against Mexico. I didn’t know how.
“Thanks for listening, man.”
“Of course.”
“I’m so glad I have these matches to focus on.”
Now I didn’t know how to word my suggestion at all. Instead I made a different suggestion.
“What do you say we get under the covers, watch a movie and order room service?”
He smiled.
“You’re the best, man.”
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| Cesar |
When I woke up, we were still cuddling. Cesar was awake and looked at me.
“Morning”, he smiled.
I smiled back.
“Mornin’.”
“Thanks for doing that last night. I felt like if I talked about it, I would let it affect my game. But I feel much better now.”
“Anytime.”
He kissed me on the mouth before quickly rolling away and getting up. He scratched his ass while he walked to the bathroom. I realized I had massive morning wood and I didn’t dare move until Cesar was out of sight.
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| Cesar |
I felt the pressure in the lockerroom. My parents were in the stadium and I wanted to do well for them. And this was a great opportunity for our team. I stared down at the floor and tried to focus on what I had to do. Coach had given very specific instructions and a very rousing pre-match speech. I felt like everyone was nervous, aware of the importance of the match.
I looked at Cesar, he was on his phone, scrolling. He looked nervous too. I put my hand on his knee. He looked up at me, surprised. He quickly put his phone away.
“You and me, Ramirez”, I said.
His face looked so tense. This match must be even more nerve-wracking for him. His Mom is Mexican, and so is his brother. He lives there. Mexico is part of him. But he now had to play against their national team.
“You and me, Lewis.”
His smile seemed half-hearted. I slapped him on the back.
“It’ll be all right”, I said.
He nodded.
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| Ross |
With a large part of the Mexican team on our end of the pitch, our goalkeeper stopped an attempt and was able to quickly kick it forward. I ran as hard as I could. The ball came my way. I only saw Cesar further down the field. He was so fast. I knew I could get it to him. We had done this many times.
The ball ended up right by his feet. He took it with him, but left too much space between himself and the ball. The goalkeeper was able to come out of his goal and grab it. Our attempt failed. Nothing to worry about, but I could tell Cesar was frustrated.
It happened four more times in the first half, and Cesar was getting angry at himself. He audibly swore. At halftime, it was 0-0. Our defense had been so strong. And hopefully their offensive line would soon get tired. But we needed to make sure we got that goal in. A tie would be respectable, but we knew we could win this. Beating Mexico would prove that this team was as good as we felt it was. Tonight though, something was off.
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| Cesar |
“These guys are getting in my head in Spanish. It’s nothing. I’ll be OK.”
“OK. Cool.”
At the start of the second half, the Mexican team came in full force. But they were beginning to make mistakes, exhaustion creeping in. But every time something went wrong between me and Cesar. I felt the tension in the stadium creeping up. The home crowd began to get impatient. I’m sure they could also feel that we could win this.
Mexico had a bad corner kick and our goalkeeper shot the ball so far, that nobody could keep up with it. Just… Cesar. He ran so hard towards the one remaining defender on the Mexican end. He had to get this. Any other day I would have been confident he would score the goal.
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| Ross |
And sure enough, Coach substituted Cesar not long after. Obviously to avoid Cesar getting a red card and getting suspended. Now I had Buckner to deal with.
In the meantime, the Mexican team was becoming more and more exhausted. I was outrunning them, but my legs were beginning to feel heavy too. Buckner got an opportunity and didn’t even look my way. He raced forward, still fresh off the bench. He kicked with such ferocity, the keeper was much too late. The ball bounced off the overhead bar into the feet of a Mexican defender, who tried to get rid of it. But I just happened to be in the way.
I intercepted and scored. I cheered and ran to where I knew my folks were. My parents were crying, and it made me cry too. 1-0. The crowd was going crazy. I did it. Buckner was there to hug me first.
“Lucky shot, Lewis”, he said.
The entire team ended up coming in to celebrate, even the guys on the bench. Cesar too.
“I love you, Ross. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
I held him close and kissed him on the head.
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| Ross |
There were only a few minutes left when I was able to break through. I had two defenders behind me and one in front. I knew I could make it. I made it to the box when I knew I had to shoot. I felt something against my ankle. The next thing I knew I had grass in my mouth.
Suddenly a lot of players were around me as I tried to get up. The ref had instantly rewarded the US team a penalty. The Mexicans were protesting. Our Captain helped me get up.
“You OK?”
“Yeah.”
“Wanna take it?”
“Yes.”
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| Cesar |
“Let me take it”, he said.
“Lewis wants to take it.”
“Lewis already has a goal”, Buckner said as if I wasn’t there.
Only now I noticed he already had the ball under his arm.
“You OK if Buckner takes it?”
“Uh. Yeah. Sure.”
Everyone was getting in position for Buckner to take the penalty. I realized only now, that Buckner desperately wanted to score a goal. He hadn’t been on the field for a few of our matches, with Cesar and I doing so well together. He had to look good for the Coach.
It was the 85th minute when Buckner shot the penalty. It went in. 2-0. The crowd went wild. I was so excited that we were beating Mexico. I just hoped this didn’t mean Coach was going to replace Cesar for the initial line-up.
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| Cesar |
“Don’t worry about it”, I said.
“Hm?”
“It just wasn’t your match.”
He looked at me. The sadness was back. He could tell that I knew. He gave me his phone.
It looked like a pretty dodgy website. Porn. It had a video of Cesar in the shower. His dick swung from side to side. He seemed unaware of the camera. He turned around, and his ass filled the screen.
“Who did this?”
He shrugged.
“I don’t know. Could be anyone at this point. And this is only the beginning, there’s like 20 more clips like this that she sent out.”
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