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| Tim |
I felt relief as I heard my name. There they were.
Will had his Afro top haircut meticulously styled. He had the rainbow colors in his beard and his T-shirt, which had a print that said “Love Always Wins”. He smiled wide. He hugged me.
“Happy Pride!”, we said to each other.
Lucas wore an open blue shirt with a rainbow pattern down the side. The scars of his top surgery were visible. A necklace with a little square of the rainbow colors dangled on his chest. I hugged him too and wished him a happy Pride.
“I was worried you were running late!”
“What do you mean? We’re never late!”
I laughed, heartily.
“You look good!”, Lucas said with his slight Hispanic accent. He looked me up and down.
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| Austin |
“Thanks!”
I instantly realized I had dressed myself in hopes of finding a man. Lucas and Will, being a couple, had dressed to show their pride.
I looked around the Erie Station subway platform. Even though I wasn’t even dressed for Pride to the extent that Lucas and Will were, being in public with a rainbow flag gave me anxiety. The events themselves were usually quite a safe space. But the way to and from them tended to make me uncomfortable. Although nobody had ever said anything, I was aware of the looks I got, even the two stops from Wyoming Station that got me here. I felt better now there were three of us.
The train came and we got on. It was only 5 stops until the city center of Philadelphia. The train was pretty full and we stood. We were chatting about what we were looking forward to the most. I noticed a few other people on the train who were dressed for Pride, but the vast majority of people weren’t.
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| Austin |
“What about you, Tim? Timmy?”
I looked up at Will. My anxiety faded.
“Oh, yeah. I’m just looking forward to being allowed. Allowed to flirt with men in public. Allowed to not be the minority for a day. Allowed to be, period.”
Lucas and Will smiled.
I suddenly saw movement out of my left eye. I looked back. It was Tall White Guy. He was approaching us. He had a smile on his face, like he was about to insult us. He must have been about 6’4’’, a beefy build. His black hair made his blue eyes pop. He wore a T-shirt and gym shorts, a workout bag around his shoulder, like he just came from the gym. Jockbro vibes.
I knew guys like him from my gym. I felt myself standing up straight and putting my shoulders back. Ready to fight back if necessary.
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| Austin |
I was caught off guard. His smile was genuine as he looked at all of us.
“Thanks”, Lucas and Will said in unison.
“I didn’t realize Pride was today”, he said, “and I really want to see the parade. Do you know a good spot to watch?”
The train stopped at North Philadelphia station. People got off and on the train.
“We’re getting off at 8th Street and walking down to Locust”, Will explained.
I had to accept that my anxiety had definitely made things worse in my mind. It took some time for me to adjust to the reality that the big gym bro was actually nice. Now that he stood so close to me, half a foot taller than me, my initial reaction to fight him if necessary seemed laughable. I looked him up and down and couldn’t help but notice his massive butt jutting out, his shorts struggling to contain him.
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| Austin |
The way he was struggling with this, instantly made him adorable to me.
“Oh, cool!” Lucas said.
The guy smiled at him.
“She has a new name now, Sophie. And she/her pronouns, and… Her Mom, my sister, she’s really trying. But Sophie wanted to go to Pride this year and my sister didn’t let her. She’s afraid it would be too sexual. So I promised Sophie I would go and tell her what it was like.”
Fuck. Now I had a crush on him.
“I think I’m doing an OK job of being the uncle she can talk to? But would there be a place I can go to today to ask what else I can do?”
Lucas told the guy that he was also trans. He explained that after the Pride march, there’s a festival with artists, food, but also stands with non-profits.
“There’ll be organizations where you could definitely get more information.”
“Oh, cool. Thanks!”
“You should just come with us today”, Will suggested.
“Oh, is that OK?”
He looked around, and I nodded by instinct. I caught Lucas’s eye and he had his eyebrows raised, as if to say, I know you want to keep him around.
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| Austin |
Austin said he felt bad for almost missing Pride, and how he was dressed in his most boring gym outfit. Lucas took off his backpack and pulled out a little paper rainbow flag on a stick and gave it to him. Austin was really happy with it.
“Definitely taking that to Sophie!”
We walked to the Pride march. Austin wanted a group selfie. He wanted to show his niece who he had gone with. Lucas made us all drink water and put on sun tan lotion. Austin walked ahead of me, his wobbly buttcheeks bouncing up and down with each step. He was hypnotizing to watch. I know Will noticed I was looking.
We watched a 40 foot rainbow flag being carried by dozens of queer people and allies. It was so great to see everyone being themselves in whatever way they wanted. I noticed Austin taking lots of photos and waving his little flag.
“Sophie would have been fine here”, Austin correctly noted. “She can handle a man in a harness, come on.”
I laughed. At the end, the four of us joined the march and walked down to where the festival was.
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| Austin |
We got some food, found a stage with a performer and sat down in the grass. After we ate something, Austin decided to check out the information stands. His ass was still in my sight, when Will spoke up.
“You like him!”
I smiled.
“He‘s really cute! And sweet”, Lucas added. “You should totally go after him.”
“He’s never been to Pride! He’s clearly straight!”
“I don’t know, I think he likes you too.”
“Get off it!”
I saw a group of people I knew. The group of 5 included my ex, Mark. It’s somehow inevitable to run into your exes at Pride, it feels like. They came to sit down with us, Mark safely away from me.
After a while, Austin came back with three colorful pamphlets.
“Thank you so much for taking me here, guys”, he said. “Today has been so helpful. And, well, joyous.”
“You are more than welcome”, Will said.
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| Austin |
“I’m Austin”, he said.
“Hi Austin!”
He sat next to me, and, as if he knew, shortly wrapped an arm around me and squeezed my shoulder.
“So happy I met you guys today.”
I smiled. I knew Mark was watching.
We had a few beers and some more food. Austin and I talked, just the two of us. I learned he was a personal trainer and nutritionist. He was working on developing his own line of supplements. But mostly, he got me to talk about myself. Not something I usually do with people that are new to me.
I talked about being a registered nurse and playing the piano. He seemed genuinely interested in both, and asked me many questions. He also said he could tell I worked out and he asked me about my gym routine. I hadn’t even realized Mark and his group had left. Austin had stuck around for much longer than I had anticipated. He’d done what he promised Sophie to do. Maybe he really was having a good time with us. With me.
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| Tim |
“Yeah, sounds good”, I said.
“Sure, I’ll join”, Austin said.
“You two have been chatting a lot!”, Will noted.
Lucas’s smile said ‘I told you so’, but he stayed silent.
I was still pretty convinced Austin wasn’t into me in that way. He was just very friendly and open-minded. And he was simply having a good time, hanging out. It wouldn’t be that weird that he could relate to me especially. I was in shape and he was a personal trainer.
We arrived at U Bar. Austin and Lucas left their bags behind the bar with bartender Danny, who we know quite well.
“Oh wow, it’s really crowded here”, Austin said.
We had to find some room where we could stand and dance a little. We drank vodka-tonics and had a good time.
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| Austin |
I squeezed his arm. His eyes opened.
“Are you having a good time?”
He nodded enthusiastically.
“I love letting go like this every now and then.”
He hugged me. My face ended up in his chest. By the time he let go, I had a boner.
“You know”, he slurred, “if I ever do something with a guy… It would be with someone who looks like you.”
He looked at me. He smiled. I realized that to him, this was a harmless compliment. But my mind was spinning.
“Aww, thanks”, was all I could respond.
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| Austin |
It was then that I was approached.
“Hi!”
His smile was very sweet. He was shorter than me, built, around my age. The type I usually go for.
“I’m Steve”, he said.
“Tim.”
“Nice to meet you, Tim. You look really hot.”
I smiled.
“You don’t look bad yourself.”
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| Austin |
“Tim!”
I heard my name the second I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around. It was Lucas.
“Yeah?”
“It’s Austin.”
I looked, but I didn’t see him. Instead I saw a few people looking over to something on the floor. My instinct told me something was wrong.
“Excuse me, I’m a nurse”, I said.
People made room for me. Austin’s big body was sprawled across the dirty floor of the bar. His eyes were closed, his mouth hung open. I kneeled down. He had a pulse. He was breathing, but not easily. I gently slapped his face and he seemed responsive.
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| Austin |
“What?”
“Sma Tack.”
I knew he was trying to say ‘asthma attack’.
I had to get him air. We weren’t far from the door. With help from Lucas and Will we got him up. He was far from steady on his feet, but we got him outside. The fresh air hitting my face was a relief, even for me. We sat Austin down on the ground, his back resting against the outside wall of the bar. I could tell he was beginning to come around.
“Take deep breaths with me”, I said. “Where’s your inhaler?”
“Bag”, he said. “Bar.”
Lucas went inside to get Austin’s gym bag and came back in no time. I searched the back and quickly found the inhaler. I gave it to Austin and he immediately took a few puffs. I could tell he was gradually doing better.
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| Austin |
“Don’t worry about it”, Will said. “That’s what we have Tim for.”
I laughed.
“You don’t often see a big guy go down like that”, Lucas said. “It was like a tree being cut down!”
“Timber!”, Austin joked.
Relieved Austin was OK, Lucas and Will went back inside. I stayed to make sure he wouldn’t pass out again.
“I guess it got too cramped in there”, Austin explained.
“It was a little stuffy in there. Would have been good if you’d had your inhaler on you.”
“Yeah”, he agreed. “It’s been a while since this happened though.”
I looked at the open bag in front of me. I saw the paper flag. The pamphlets. A shaker bottle. And underwear. Boxerbriefs. Probably sweaty from his workout this morning. I closed the bag.
I looked back up at him as I slid the bag his way. He was looking down, no idea I had seen his sweaty undies. He looked at me now. Our eyes locked. Our faces close. I kissed him. Gently. On the lips. He smiled.
“Wow”, he whispered.
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